Awareness
BREAKING THE CYCLE
Breaking the Cycle of Abuse is important as we have too many kids that don't care about their lives anymore to the point that they want to leave drastically and think that living a legend is killing others and then themselves. Breaking the Cycle
Breaking the Cycle of Depression
Breaking the Cycle of Rudeness
Breaking the Cycle of Left Alone
Breaking the Cycle of Abuse
Breaking the Cycle of It's Your Fault
Breaking the Cycle of if you only I would have......
Breaking the Cycle of I wouldn't do this if you would.......
Breaking the Cycle of You made me mad......
Breaking the Cycle of You are just like your father
Breaking the Cycle of You are just like your mother
Breaking the Cycle of You will never be anything in life
Breaking the Cycle of It's a White man's world
Breaking the Cycle of we need our just do
Breaking the Cycle of thinking everyone else property is yours
Breaking the Cycle of I don't have to work to get what I want
Breaking the Cycle of I want that crack pipe
Breaking the Cycle of I want that drink
Breaking the Cycle of he don't want me daughter, he wants you.....
Breaking the Cycle of not listening to your child when they tell you something
Breaking the Cycle of calling them liars
Breaking the Cycle of Cops turning their backs on you
Breaking the Cycle of Judges giving the abusee the kids that he abused
Breaking the Cycle of Punishing the Victim
Breaking the Cycle of Blaming the Victim
Breaking the Cycle of Laughing at the Victim
Breaking the Cycle of Giving Defendants all the protecting rights
Breaking the Cycle of Blaming women
Breaking the Cycle of Blaming men
Breaking the Cycle - Please Break the Cycle
It takes more than just leaving a bad relationship; you would have to learn how to mentally break yourself free from what went on that turned out so traumatic. For some it is very easy to just mentally break free; for others it will take more than a simple sitting on a couch and letting things go. It's a process within the mind that really has to happen. In order for that to happen first you have to yes, this is very hard but you really have to take a good look at self......... [I HAVE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF IDENTIFYING SOME OF THE THINGS THAT COULD BE DEEP WITHIN THAT MAY NEED TO CHANGE] You can't break them down if you don't identify them
imikimi - Customize Your World Identifying them allows you to deal with each individual bondage that is holding you back from living the prosperious life God would have you to live. We are promised this by God John 10:10 states, "the devil comes to steal, kill and destroy, while I come to give you life and give you life more abundantly." So as you are breaking these barriors down you are learning at the same time to build your self esteem up. That is basically what it is we have lost due to the abuser. They have taken our character and destroyed it especially if you have been in it for a long time. Like i have been in a relationship for nine years where the abuser tore me down so bad I started to believe it. Until something hit me..........
imikimi - Customize Your World If all that you say is so true, 'Why are you fighting so hard to keep other's from seeing what you say is so true?' In others words if they [boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, lover, mother, father, friend, cousin, grandfather, grandmother] are downing you especially the significant other you are dealing with on an intimate level; if it is all true then you don't have to fight to keep me from others because they will feel the same way that you do. I had to realize that even though this man called me fat, said I ugly, and wouldn't any one want me because of the above and I had kids. Well as a person who never believed in what he stated after I came to the realization; It is not true..........People will want you that is why they don't want you to speak to them, that is why they have downed you; it has nothing to do with you its a flaw in their character; They don't want to loose you because they don't feel...... check this out now....... They don't feel wanted, loved or attractive.
imikimi - Customize Your World Do you think I was always there? That I didn't believe him at all? No! It took me looking deep within me and seeing the truth for myself. I had to learn to love me. I really didn't need approval from others; I didn't need to feel love from others because I learned to love me for who I am; I had to learn to see the beauty that was within me. Oh once I started doing that, there was trouble; but not with me but with the abuser because things weren't under his control anymore. I started walking with my head up. I started loving myself, it didnt have anything to do with him, I started telling myself that I love me, I am so pretty; oh my when I smiled how beautiful my smile was. I started believing in the person that was within me. Of course I didnt cause discourse within the house I had children. But when I was by myself I would practice Karate, Judo and Tae Kwon Doe for 2 years by myself. Yes I had to literally fight myself out of this relationship. In the meantime I started building that inner girl up and telling her that she is the most important. That inner girl within me began to sprout slowly and but surely.
imikimi - Customize Your World I need to tell you about a freedom that you feel once you realize your true self. The mountain of self wareness that comes in your mind. The strength that God gives when he promises you. Philipians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." My favorite scripture that helped me to be patient was Psalm 18:48 "......I will deliver you from that violent man." So as I waited on God to do as he promised, I stayed praying, worshiping, singing and writng in the name of Jesus. And as I type this to you for your encouragement; please understand that I as I am giving you this, that God kept his promise. I am your living witness that it shall happen and you shall be set free. My freedom came when after the 1st abuser was relased from prison and God was pushing in my spirit to go face this person. I didnt want to do it because for over 27 years I have been angry with this man for what he did to me; but after finally accepting what God has commissioned my spirit to do I have done what thus said the Lord. Upon reaching to where this person is, the first thing that comes out of his mouth, "I been waiting to speak to you but didnt know how to get you to listen or even talk to me." I looked at him in confusion but did allow to come out of my mouth, "God has literally gave me the push to come see you there is some things that has to be said that has been holidng me back for so many years." After he has under my mentioning each date, identified and apoligized for everything that he has done to me. See what happened was while this man was in prison God has worked out the issues I had within me and within him but helping to understand that everything that he has done to me was wrong and he must fixed it. To hear the very person that abused you for nine years identify each issue and apologize for it was so deep; I didn't understand fully but then I began to realize that all this was in God's plan. He knew that I had doubts about this man and him even remembering so God gave him the rememberance. There was one time I needed him to remember, I had just came home from the hospital after being in there for almost a full month and having two surgeries being freed from cancer December 4th and 14th, 2001 those were the two major surgery dates I had. Upon arrivng home December 24th, 2001, I was met with a camera and bongoes for Chrstimas from my mom. She went to work that night and on that same night he came in there wanting to have sex with me but I couldn't have sex; not knowing the problem I was in alot of pain; later I found out the pain came from one of the staples and staff affection I received from the staple they left in my stomach. Since I couldn't do that he orally raped me of everything that I had in me as a person. All I did was mentioned that date and I didnt have to say anything else. His face fell you would say to the ground as he stated, "I am so sorry I was stupid, please forgive me I am sooo sooo sorry for doing that to you." After asking him why he did this to me and receving the answer; it was like 3 buildings were lifted off of me. He stated, "I served ten years for this that i did to you as well as the other girl." I had to stop him dead in his sentence becauase, that's when God has spoke in my spirit right then and there as I sad, "Oh no, oh no, this is not about you, you did ONLY ten years, I have been in this emotional and mental prison for over 27 years and God stated that it's not done until he breaks me out" and my chain has just been broken; the bondage is broken; and as I sit and type this even today the tears is rolling down my face because its a joy to be free; IT'S A GREAT JOY TO BE FREE FROM THE HURT that this person caused in my life. Which left me to get into one bad relationship after another because I wasn't healthy. Today I am healthy mentally as well as physically and I have more barriors but that was the biggest one and I thank God for freedome.
imikimi - Customize Your World When God speaks I listen because I know that my inner spirit will not lead me wrong. I have learned to trust in the God that I thought didnt like me or want me. What do you mean by that statement? For years before I became a christian I labeled God as man that's why he didnt want me into a heaven where I wouldn't hurt. Not realizing that the 10 times I tried to kill myself, yes I have tried to kill myself 10 times that God was giving me life............. July 1, 2001 in South Carolina on a land where I thought I was dead, the abuser stated, "I am going to kill you and then myself." as he was chocking me with his bare hands around my neck. I am thinking that I am gone, and once I saw that light after everything went dark; I just knew I was dead but again, God restored me back to life. I didnt like what he restored me back to but again, God kept his promise and delivered me out of this man's hand and his mother's land. It's is a struggle today to deal with that because they never recieved justice for what they did to me: Kidnapping..[when someone forces you to go from one place to another even if its one room to another room, with no ability to leave] From his mother's house to his house, when I escaped August 30, 2001 out the back door, he ran out the back door as I was screaming wtth my big mouth, becuase I heard his grandfather working outside, hoping that I would get help, he threw me back in the house. August 24, 2001 trying to call for help she his mother then realized what I sated, "If he puts his hands one me one more time you will be visiting him in priosn." She had him go in her room while she stand there he hit me and took the phone from me. While his grandfather asked, "What is going on?" I begged them not to send me back out there to that land with that man, they told me, "Go in your own car and drive 20 miles to find a pay phone and call for help on your own." But watched as their grandson [grandfather], son [mother] snatched wires out of my vehicle to prvent me from leaving; all this states pure and simple KIDNAPPING. ATTEMPTED MURDER [two knives to my neck; chocking me until i borke out the first time, thats when he put his large hands around my neck, broke my feet; trying to break both of my legs from the knees] NOT JUST ON July1, 2001 but on August 30, 2001, RAPE from December 2000 until August 30, 2001 until I was able to get away. Here is where Accessory comes in, when you know what your son is doing to the person and instead of helping after he tells you the first time he tried to kill her, instead you blame the person who almost died, you tell the person that they had to stay there and take what they get because you married their son; you had to stay there becuase you can't leave her son; her son had all the authority even over her; when she would come in the house and verbally assaulting you. The the State of South Caorlina does the same raping as they let this parolee get away with doing all the above. All felonies and the only reason why he got away because the cops didn't want to admit that they messed up in protecting themselves even the courts they protecting him, so the victim sits to suffer in silence.
I wrote this paper when I started school in February 26, 2005 for my English Comp Class and My teacher gave me an A
FROM GENERATION TO
GENERATION
Sub-Topic: BREAKING THE CYCLE OF ABUSE
written by: Barbara Judkins February 26, 2005
After experiencing my last bout of abuse: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and psychological,
in 2001, I began questioning God once again as to why did I have to go through this cycle of
abuse again. At the same time, I began to wonder why I was able to remain so strong and
endure this. That is when I started seeing my purpose. Upon working on myself, as well as
working through the purpose, I began to realize that this isn't something that just happened to
me. It's a thing that has been covered up and goin on from Generation to Generation. Anyone
can be a victim of crime.
While speaking to my grandmother on the phone in November 2004, about the topic, she
began telling me the stor about her and my grandmother. I realized that same type of abuse I
went through in 2001, my grandmother whos is now 80 years of age had experienced the same
thing. I stated to my granomther, "This is a generational thing." As she was speaking about the
events that happened around her and my grandfather together, I got this cold and scary feeling
in my body as if I was reliving this thing all over again. All but the fact that my grandfather didn't
rape or try to kill my grandmother waslike hearing the same story being told about me.
At the time she was going through her abusive relationship with my grandfather, my mom was
just a kid herself in high school. In both mine and my grandmother's story, the mother-in-law was
a serious factor in the abuse. She actually heard her mother-in-law tll her husband to beat her. My
grandmother's mother in law was upset becuase the moeny that granddaddy was giving her to
help her out was no longer available to her because he now had to take care of his immediate family.
In my situation, my mother in law told me that I had to stay in my abusive relationship and couldn't
leave her son for anything. I was sitting there thinking that no one has ever gone through what i went thorugh
and here my granmother wen through the same thing, with the mother in law telling him to her and all.
And I left the relationship and came back home. I communicatd with my ex-husband's brother and
his sister because we were close and upon speaking to them on December 25, 2001, that's when I was
told that his mother had gone through the same abuse. Their father was succesful until he got hurt on
the job and had to gout of disability. He couldn't handle going from a succesfful man to amn who had
to sit home and do particularly nothing. He started drinking and partying to try to allow the time to go by.
In his depresison and drinking episodes he became very abusive to the family. It explained to me why this
lady allowed her son to do what he did but it didnt help me understand why she would want anyone to
go thorugh the same type of abuse that she went through. The purpose of this page is to help you to first
identify abuse and hel you 'Break the Cycle of Abuse.'
We have to look at whether the cycle of abuse can be broken and why it happens from generation
to generation.
My motto is:
Recognize to acknowledge the existence of abuse
Identify to establish the identy of abuse
Relate after your recognize and identfy that you are possibly in this and get clear and precis clues that you are in
abuse. Then you can begin to relate
Evaluate you can now look over your situation and
Educate find about all the abuse, and ways you can get out and get help, so that you cn prepare for them
Vacate LEAVE, GET OUT, SAVE YOURSELF, all abuse
My mom told me today when i was speaking to her about the report, how abusive my father was.
I told her that I didn't remember the time that we were abused. She stated to me that she took the
abuse and for some reason my fahter woudl only allow one babysitter to come watch us and that I
should speak to her about it. I told her that I already was given the details about when my brother's
legs were broken by my fahter. She spoke about how the abuse wasn't with her, that it was taken out
on us children for some reason. She was 17 years old when she married my father, so she was young
and didn't know any better. There were days that we had black eyes and bruises on us and she
stated to me that she died, when she came home from work and her youngest son's legs were broken.
She knew it was enough, she literally died on the inside when this happened and she knew she had
to get away from this man before he killed one of us. He told her upon leaving that, "No one is going to want
your ass with all those kids." My mother had two boys and three girls, I am the second oldest.I say all this
to show you three generations of abuse in one family. From my grandmother, to my mom which went on to me.
However, I didnt know about my mom or my grandmother's abuse until November 2004.
In order to recognize abuse you have to know what each type is. Abuse in itself can have meaings.
ABUSE:
- Maltreatment: the physical and/or psychological maltreatment of a person or animal.
- Improper use: The illegal, improper, or harmful use of something or an illegal, improper, or harmful practice.
- Insults: insulting and or offensive language
- Drug use: the harmful use of drugs or alcohol (abuse [verb] a'buse [ebyooz]
- Misuse something transitive verb to use soemthing in improper, illegal or damaging way
- Maltreat someone: transitive verb to maltreat a person or animal physically sexually or psychological.
- Insult somebody: transitive verb to speak insultingly or offensively to somebody
- Masturbate: reflexive verb to masturbate
- Generation: a body of living brings constructing a single step in the line of descent from an ancestor; the average period between generations [Encarta Dictionary English]
In order to break the cycle, you have to first be able to identify abuse in whole. Most of the time when
people abuse you, they are trying to control you becuase they don't have control of themselves. They have a low
self esteem about their lives and they have gone through some kind of abuse themselves. Therefore, they are
transfering what they went through onto someone else, becuase they feel that since it was acceptable when they
went through it, it's okay for them to do the same to another person. For instance, you are feeling so low
about yourself and then they see another person maybe doing better then you are so, so what you will do is
tell them, "You're ugly," or you don't like their outfit, or you don't like their car when in reality they don't have a car
and they want one themselves. Anything to discredit someone's ability, charactor or items. There is a saying
"Misery loves company." That's what iti is all about. An abusive person only wants control of your life
because he doesn't have or can't get control of his own life.
Here are the signs:
IT'S ABOUT POWER AND CONTROL
- Physical Abuse: Inflicting or attempting to inflict physical injury and/or illness: grabbing, pinching, shoving, slapping, hitting, hair-pulling, biting, arm-twisting, kicking, punching, hitting with blunt objects, stabbing, shooting. Withholding access to resources necessary to maintain health: medication, mecial care, wheelchair, food or fluids, sleep, hygienic assistance, forcing alcohol and or other druge use.
- Sexual Abuse: Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact without consent: marital rape, acquaintance ape, forced sex after physical beating, attacks on the sexual parts of the body, bestiality, forced prositution, unprotected sex, fondling, sodomy, sex with others, and use of pornogrphy. Attempts to undermine a person's sexuality: treating one in a sexualy derogatory manner, criticiizing sexual performance and desierablity. Also, accusations of infidelity meaning that you are out ot giving your body to someone else or withholding sex, keeping sexual and affection from your as form of punishment.
- Psychological Abuse: Instilling or attempting to instill fear: intimidation, threatening, physical harm to self, or threatening to harm or kidnap your children, menacing, blackmail, harassment, destruction of pets and property, mind games, isolating or attempting to isolate one from friends, family, school and/or work: withholding acces to phone and/or transportation, undermining ones personal relationships, harassing others, constant "checking up," constant accompaniment, use of unfoudned accusations, forced imprisonment.
- Emotional Abuse: Undermining or attemtping to undermine a person's sense of self worth: constant criticism, beliviting one's abilities and competency, name calling, isults, put downs, silent treatment, manipulating another's feelings and emotions, particularly guilt, suberting a partner's relationship with the children, repeatedly making and breaking promises.
- Economical Abuse: Making or attempting to make a person financially dependent: maintaining total control over financial resources including victims' earned income or resources received thorugh public assistance or social security, withholding money and/or access to money, forbidding employment, on-the-job harrassment, requiring accountability and justification for all money spent, forced welfare fraud, witholding information about family finances, running up bills for which the victim is responsible for payemnt. (Equinox Domestic Violence and Women's Center)
The social stigma is that abuse only happens to women! Or only poor women on welfare or below proverty get abused. But as I sat in Friendly's Restaurant on Feb. 19, 2005, with this guy name Michael, he felt like he needed to confess something to me. We were speaking about the Bible and he just came out and about how he was in an abusive relationship and that he was sinning becuase he was living with a woman but not married. I didnt pay attention to the fact that he lived with a women, I wanted to touch on this abuse that he tried to slide right by me as I lsitened to him. So I asked him, "how long did you stay in this relationship and why do you call it abusive?" He first started out by stating that he was always taught to respect women and not to hit them, no matter what. He told this to the woman he was living with and she took that to the extreme, and when he wouldn't fight with her she would call the cops and make a report on him. So most of the time instead of sitting in the abusive situation he would leave the house. So again, I asked him, "How long did you stay in this situation?" That's when he told me that he stayed in the relatiosnhip for six years. I looked at him becuase I have never had a man sit in front of me and admit that he was abused by a woman, even though I have seen my sister abuse her husband like it was the best thing in the world. I mean she would slap him silly and right in front of the children! So I asked him, "Why did you stain the relationship so long?" He stated that he was hoping to get better.
Abuse is abuse no matter what form it is in. Because most people don't find using words as a form of abuse, they don't see it as abuse. It's even recognized in the Bible about the tongue Ephesians 3:5-6 "Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! [6] And the tongue is a fire, a word of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. [8] But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Which means according the to the NIV Study Bible [3:2] Since the tongue is so difficult to control, anyone who controls it perfectly gains control of hmself in all other areas of life as well [3:6] world of evil; LIke the world in it's fallenness, set on fire by the hell. A figurative way of saying that the source of the tongue's evil is the devil." Even the abusee most times doesn't think it's abuse. If you woudl walk up to a person and ask them if they knew that all this hollering that he is doign to his woman is a form of abuse, he will say thta he either doesn't care or doesn't know. Most times this will happen because when people think of abuse they think it's all about putting their hands on another person.
Here are a few forms of Emotional Battering:
- Insults: Constant and/or extreme criticisms that emotionally injure our personal, emotional, sexual, professional and/or other selves. Insults can greatly undermine your self-confidence and eventually emotionally cripple you.
- Rejection: direct or indirect statements that create feelings of unworthiness. Constant insults and rejections teach the victims that they are not worthy of receiving loving behavior. Rejections can be sued as punishment for not cooperating with an abusive partner. Abusers may also deliver a rejection in an attempt to justify their anger towards the victim. In distored revfered logic, if you are not worthy of love, then the abuser is not obligated to act lovingly toward you. This young lady believes that if a man doesn't fight her, then he doesn't lvoe her. She only believes that because shen she was 16 years odl she got raped and pregnant by the father to her child, but never told anyone for years until after her son became a teenager, after years of abuse from the father.
- Emotional Threats and Accusations: direct or indirect statements stating intent to cause emotional or physical harm; or to create emotional loss to yourself or those you love, depend upon, or are responsislbe for. This includes the abuser lying about your behavior, attitudes, or emotional state to anyone else in such a way that you cannot defend yourself.
- Emotional Blackmail: a statment or behavior that uses your fear, guilt, insecurity or confusion to trap you into giving the abuser power over you. Most victims live private lives so the public will not get involved with an already terriozed person; an emotional blackmail can force them to give abuser a "blank check" on their lives.
- Crazy making statements and behavior: distort reality and destroy the possiblity of honest communication. They are also effective devisces for increasing confusion and insecurity. Some examples include: